This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.