If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.