When in doubt tell the truth.
I never let schooling interfere with my education.
To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
We have the best government that money can buy.
best, government & money
I've never let my school interfere with my education.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
My books are like water those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
When people do not respect us we are sharply offended yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress but I repeat myself.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow there is no humor in Heaven.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities Truth isn't.
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
It is not best that we should all think alike it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive but it is lightning that does the work.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.