Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push, and you push alone.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.