He's a man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.
Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.
Old men are dangerous: it doesn't matter to them what is going to happen to the world.
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't.
Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.
Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.
When a man says money can do anything, that settles it: he hasn't got any.
In a battle all you need to make you fight is a little hot blood and the knowledge that it's more dangerous to lose than to win.
A little learning is a dangerous thing, but we must take that risk because a little is as much as our biggest heads can hold.
You use a glass mirror to see your face you use works of art to see your soul.
You are going to let the fear of poverty govern you life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live.
We are the only real aristocracy in the world: the aristocracy of money.
Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.
You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.
The truth is, hardly any of us have ethical energy enough for more than one really inflexible point of honor.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
It is the mark of a truly intelligent person to be moved by statistics.
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
Only on paper has humanity yet achieved glory, beauty, truth, knowledge, virtue, and abiding love.
There is no subject on which more dangerous nonsense is talked and thought than marriage.
A veteran journalist has never had time to think twice before he writes.
What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child.
Choose silence of all virtues, for by it you hear other men's imperfections, and conceal your own.
Martyrdom: The only way a man can become famous without ability.
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
It's easier to replace a dead man than a good picture.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Clever and attractive women do not want to vote they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?
Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends.
Hell is full of musical amateurs.
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
I am afraid we must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy.
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.
Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
All my life affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.
Marriage is good enough for the lower classes: they have facilities for desertion that are denied to us.
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.
Never fret for an only son, the idea of failure will never occur to him.
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.
The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
When I was young, I observed that nine out of ten things I did were failures. So I did ten times more work.
Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die do not outlive yourself.
If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion.
All great truths begin as blasphemies.
Lack of money is the root of all evil.
The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.
Beauty is all very well at first sight but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake.
I never thought much of the courage of a lion tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people.
Nothing is ever done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another if it is not done.
Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.
Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
Without art, the crudeness of reality would make the world unbearable.
A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
My reputation grows with every failure.
Miracles, in the sense of phenomena we cannot explain, surround us on every hand: life itself is the miracle of miracles.
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
Science never solves a problem without creating ten more.
An index is a great leveller.
The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and about all time.
The love of economy is the root of all virtue.
Until the men of action clear out the talkers we who have social consciences are at the mercy of those who have none.
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
Success does not consist in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second time.
The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.
Power does not corrupt men fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power.
Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
The art of government is the organisation of idolatry.
Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire the other is to get it.
A man of great common sense and good taste - meaning thereby a man without originality or moral courage.
Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.
Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but that of self interest backed by force.
The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to the country and to mankind is to bring up a family.
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.